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Thursday, October 28, 2010

Everything Old Can Be New

Having the Cambridge Exam lately, and I'm sick. Like wtf, I think I really hate college life. Never been like this during my high school life, blame college. LOL!! Anyway, I kinda screwed up all the papers, I never wanna fail my mum this way, but I'm doing this. I hate how I the way I am and the way I behave all these while. Like a rebellious kid who wanna stop growing up,  but having conflict thought that she could solve her problem herself cause she is all grown up. Look around again, SHE KNOWS NOTHING and DON'T WANNA DO A THING. And then I think THIS post must be the 'JULY ME' writing to myself. Wow, I really wanna know how I predicted this to happen to myself 3 months ago. Like, I'm a genius, but a lazy one. Waturffff(!!!)

Anyway, I'm still trying to figure out what should I do next, other than just being a lazy student who don't even wanna put any effort to study. I once dream that I could be a professional lawyer, I take up law course then with all the lawful knowledge, I won't be cheated easily and I could use it on any other career. But I can never be one, cause I'm not as hardworking as others. I just thought that I am smart, but if I continue being like this, I will never succeed. I know it clearly, then I put BIG effort to find something to blame on, but not doing anything productive.

For example, NOW!! I know I should have start looking into my economics book and revise. I'm still facing the laptop and blame things on the sickness. I got massive headache, blablabla... And this is the biggest problem of me. I never learn the lesson, and still being lazy like this.

Everything Old Can Be New. I was this lazy and then I changed when I was form4. And that was the moment I felt proud of myself, cause I have finally changed into a better me and start doing what is best for me. I get to score in every subject with an excellent grade. I secretly compete with every friend of mine on academics. Cause I wanna be better. And I swear not to fail my mum anymore, cause I hurt her so deep before that. She put on very high expectations on me, then I fail her hard. Then, I finally get myself to form5 and get into the class where my best friends were. Well, I was still good at the first semester and there goes the evil side of me. Bumping around and started to play truant again and again. That was the senior year which I never tried to enjoy it at all. Like seriously, I'm regret. Then now I'm finally 18. I kissed high school life goodbye, but I'm still not willing to welcome my college life tho I'm already a college student.

Well, the people are great, but I'm still not used to it. I gotta do assignments which I knew it doesn't affect my final grades. (So I give myself some break for not doing them) I play truant cause I just don't feel comfortable with new people. (And actually they are not new anymore, and I'm just an anti social like that.)

It is all my problem. I knew it and I still never try to change myself. Now I shall try to do something to change. :)

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